Lost inside my head
by incorrectx
Summary: Liberty Mae Cooper has had a tough life. She constantly tries to drown herself in her music and never lets anyone in. But what will happen when she meets Liam O'Donovan? Will he be able to break down the walls she's built around herself and teach her how to love again?
1. Chapter 1: Elm Tree House

Hi, my name's Liberty Mae Cooper but everyone just calls me Libby and I'm going to tell you all about my life in a care home. It's my first day going into care today so I'm extremely nervous, wish me luck!

I yawned sleepily and sat up, rubbing my eyes. I stared at my surrounding for a few moments before I realized where I was. I was in the car on the way to my new home. A care home. A home for kids who's parents can't or don't want to look after them anymore. I stared out the window of the car, watching all the houses blur past me. The drive from London to Newcastle had been a long one, and quite frankly I was exhausted. As the car sped along the road, I imagined what it must feel like to be one of those fortunate children, one of the ones who actually have a family that care about them.

I looked to the right of me and saw my social worker, Sarah, chatting absentmindedly to herself and occasionally looking at me and muttering something, no doubt trying to make me feel better about everything. To be honest though, I couldn't hear her. I was too busy trying to drown out everything around me by listening to Demi Lovato 'Skyscraper' full blast.

It wasn't long until I felt Sarah tapping my knee, turning to her I noticed that she was indicating for me to turn my music off so she could talk to me. I turned it down and pulled one of my headphones out looking at her wearily, half expecting a lecture from her telling me that everything was alright and that I just needed to get used to being in care. I wanted to avoid this conversation as much as possible, knowing fully well that everything wasn't alright because here I am in care on the other side of the country to all of my friends.

"Now Libby," Sarah said with a glance in my direction. "I want you to at least try and fit in with the children here and make some new friends. I don't want you to block everyone out and not talk like you did when I collected you the other day."

I just hummed in response, knowing that blocking everyone out was exactly what I was going to do, whether it's intentional or not.

"Elm Tree House is a really lovely place. The kids there are just lovely, I know you'll get on with them." Sarah continued, still trying to make me feel better.

There. She had said it. My second biggest fear of going into care. (My first of course was that everyone would find out why I'm here.) What if I don't get on with the children? What if they treat me differently because I'm the 'new girl'? What if they try and beat me up, or steal my things? One of my friends back in London was put in care, and she said that she was beaten up by some of the children when the care workers weren't around, and they stole the only memory she had of her little sister.

"But what if I don't?" I asked, my gaze finally meeting Sarah's for the first time since getting in the car this morning. "What if the other kids hate me?"

Sarah smiled at me sympathetically, "Like I just said, the kids here are lovely. I'm sure you'll settle down in no time." She noticed my unimpressed expression and continued, "And if you find that things really are that bad here, I'll move you to a different home. But you have to stay here for at least 1 month."

I smiled gratefully at her. Pleased that I'm finally being given a say in my own life. I noticed that Sarah had began to concentrate on the road again, so I put my headphones back in and listened to Honeymoon Avenue by Ariana Grande.

Just as the song was getting to the chorus, my headphones were gently tugged out of my ears, but it was still enough to startle me.

"We're here" said Sarah, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye to see my reaction.

I gazed up at the house from the passenger seat, it certainly was bigger than I imagined. I caught glimpses of some faces pressed up against the glass, desperate to have a look at the 'new girl'. They were quickly gone and as I climbed out the car, I could've sworn that I could hear the thundering footsteps of the children rushing down the stairs.

Sarah opened the boot and placed my suitcase on the floor. I've never had many clothes really. She then locked her car, took the handle of my suitcase and began to wheel it towards the front door, leaving me to follow behind her. My new life was just beginning.

I watched as Sarah knocked on the door with her fist, automatically backing away a couple of steps. The door swung open to reveal a young lady who seemed to be in her early 20's with black hair. She stared blankly at us for a moment but quickly recovered and asked "Can I help you?"

"My name's Sarah Calden" Sarah explained to the lady. "I'm bringing your new resident, Liberty Cooper." I flinched at the use of my full name, but thankfully no one seemed to notice.

Recognition dawned on the young lady's face as she looked past Sarah and smiled warmly at me. I returned the smile, glad that there seemed to be at least one nice person here.

"I'm Tracy by the way." the lady told us, still smiling. "If you would like to come inside for a moment and I'll take you into the office to meet Mike and Gina.

Tracy opened the door fully and allowed us inside, then closed it behind us. Almost immediately, there was a swarm of children around us. I could barely distinguish anyone in the crowd of people. I felt my heart rate increase and my palms get sweaty. 'It's okay Lib' I whispered in my head. 'These people won't hurt you. You're safe here.' It felt like the air supply was being cut off from my lungs. I knew that if I stayed surrounded by everyone, I would black out. It just brought back too many memories of my past. Being in a confined space, not being able to breathe properly.

Thankfully Tracy seemed to notice that I was uncomfortable with the amount of attention I was getting so she called for all the children to be quiet and then turned to them and said "Can everyone please go into the lounge for a minute, we'll come and see you once we're done in the office."

I smiled gratefully at Tracy, and she seemed to understand what I meant. "Don't worry about them" she whispered as I passed her to walk into the office after Sarah, "They won't hurt you. They just get a bit overexcited when there's new people here."

I gave her a small smile and whispered a 'thank you' as I entered the office.

There was a man and a woman both sitting at desks in the office. I presumed that they were Mike and Gina. They both looked up from their work and smiled at me when I walked in.

"Hello, you must be Liberty Cooper, our newest resident. My name's Mike Milligan and I'm the head care worker here at Elm Tree House" said the man, smiling and standing up quickly which caused me flinch and step back suddenly almost crashing into the filing cabinet.

What did you expect though? I mean, with a past like mine anyone would have been scared. Incase you didn't notice, I have major trust issues. Especially around men.

Unfortunately for me, none of this went unnoticed and everyone's smiles faltered for a moment. Mike was the first to recover and held out his hand for me which I hesitantly shook but then hastily pulled away after a second or two.  
Mike looked like he was nice enough. He was in his 40's and had a big smile on his face, so I guess that over time I would feel more comfortable around him and wouldn't flinch every time he moved.

The plump jamaican lady with braids in her short, black hair then decided to stand up. I flinched again, but I think this time I managed to get away with it as I don't think anyone noticed. She too held out her hand and said "Hiya babes, I'm Gina and I'm a care worker here too, yeah?"

I smiled at her and nodded my understanding. I heard Sarah clear her throat behind me, indicating that she wanted to get on with the paperwork so she could leave. Then I would be left here on my own. Great.

Tracy offered to take me upstairs and show me to my room so I could unpack my suitcase before I met the other children. I smiled gratefully at her and she took the handle of my suitcase and led me up a flight of stairs. She pushed open one of the doors on the landing to reveal a beige painted room with a singular bed in the middle, a bedside cabinet and a wardrobe on the opposite side of the room.  
Kind of like this: Bedroom1

"Sorry there's not much in here." Tracy said, placing my suitcase at the foot of my bed. "We didn't have much of a warning that you were coming so we didn't have much time to redecorate, but once you've decided if you want to stay here, you can decorate this room however you want"

"Really?" I asked, looking astonished and smiling at Tracy as I sat down on the edge of my new bed. This room was at least double the size of the room I had when I was back 'home' if you could even call it that.

Tracy smiled back at me. Pleased that I was already felling better about being here. "This room is all yours, you don't have to share with anyone" Tracy told me. "You were lucky, you got the last spare room. If anyone else comes to stay here, they're going to have to share a room with one of the other children."

I felt relieved. I don't think I could bare to share a room with anyone. I don't know what I'd do if anyone found out about the nightmares. I was deep in thought, thinking about how I can't remember a time when I didn't have nightmares and how fortunate I am to actually be taken in by Elm Tree House.

My trail of thought was soon broken however, when Tracy asked "Do you want to go outside and collect the rest of your things?"

I looked stunned for a second. Not fully understanding what she meant. Then it hit me, "Oh, I don't have anything else. I never really had much at home so I just bought most of my things with me in this bag."

Tracy looked slightly shocked for a moment, but she covered it up well. "We can go and buy you some more clothes and things if you want. All of us are going into town on Saturday anyway. I'm sure Mike would allow you to have some extra money to buy some more clothes."

I smiled excitedly at Tracy. "Really? That would be great, thanks!"

Tracy just smiled back at me. "We could buy some things to decorate your room with as well." I smiled back appreciatively, happy that I finally had people around me that actually cared about me or seemed to anyway. Tracy came and sat down on the bed next to me. I could tell she was going to start asking questions. I just prayed that she'd forgotten what happened down in the office. But apparently I was out of luck. "Would you be able to tell me what happened in the office earlier when Mike came towards you?"

I stared at the floor and shook my head. Determined not to meet her gaze because I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to keep my emotions in check. I stayed silent for a couple more minutes and eventually she seemed to understand that I wasn't going to talk about it. It's not that I didn't want to. I just felt like I couldn't tell anyone.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Mike and Gina too. We're all here to help you." I looked up and saw the sincerity in her eyes. It made me feel so much better knowing that someone actually cared for me. But I was still determined not to let her in. It's always the same. I let people in, I tell them about my life, they leave me or turn against me. every single time I've gotten close to anyone

"I understand if you don't want to talk about it. We all have things we want to forget. But if there's anything ever bothering you, you can always come to me." I gave her a small smile and stood up off the bed and began to finish unpacking my clothes. Tracy stood up off the bed as well and walked towards the door. She paused on her way out, turned to me and said "Just come downstairs and into the office when you've finished unpacking. I'll take you to meet the other children then." And with that, she left me alone in my new room.

I sank onto my bed again. I'd completely forgotten all about the other kids. I instantly began to unpack slower, hoping to delay the moment in which I would have to go downstairs and meet the people that I would have to spend at least the next month of my life with.

Thank you to everyone who's read or reviewed this story so far. I'll update again tomorrow or sometime in the week xxxx


	2. Chapter 2: Meeting the kids

I'd just finished putting the last of the clothes I brought with me in my wardrobe. I'd taken my time to put everything in my room where I wanted it to go, but it still felt like I had spent barely any time doing it even though I'd spent the last hour rearranging the clothes in my wardrobe. I took a deep breath and looked at my room. It was a slight improvement from when I first walked in only 2 hours before, but it still needed a lot of work. I guess I would take up Tracy's idea and agree to go shopping so I could buy some supplies to redecorate my room.

I knew I'd have to meet everyone sooner or later and even though I'd prefer to do it later, it would just give me more time to get it over and done with so I have less time to sit around worrying about what everyone would be like.

I got up off my bed and walked out my room, pulling the door closed behind me. I made my way down the stairs and over to the sofa that Tracy was sitting on. As soon as she spotted me making my way over to her, she stood up and smiled warmly at me.

"Are you ready to come and meet the other children now?" She asked me.

I nodded slightly and gave a small 'yeah' before following her down a hallway and into a large room filled with children. None of them had noticed us standing by the door yet so I took the opportunity to have a look around. Apart from the fact that there were people everywhere, it looked like quote a nice room. There were two sofas opposite each other with a big flat screen TV by them. Lots of shelves filled with games for the children and a pool table at the very back of the room. I can tell already that I'll enjoy spending time in this room.

Tracy cleared her throat causing me to divert my attention back to reality and for all the children to look up. "Everyone!" Tracy called. "Can I have your attention please?" Everyone stopped what they were doing almost immediately and turned to face me and Tracy. I looked down at the floor to hide my embarrassment of having everyone staring at me.

"This is Libby Cooper" Tracy continued. "She's going to be staying with us from now on. Please help her to settle in guys, and be nice." Tracy said the last part looking at a girl with blue extensions who looked me up and down a couple of times as if assessing what I was going to be like and then turned back to reading her magazine.

Tracy gave me an encouraging smile and then said quietly to me "I'll leave you to get to know the other children. I'm in the office if you need me." And with that, she turned and walked away leaving us all in an awkward silence. Thankfully it only lasted for a couple of seconds before a girl dressed all in pink and who looked about 13, shot up off the sofa and ran towards me.

"Hi, I'm Carmen!" The girl said excitedly with a huge grin on her face.

I smiled politely back at her. "I'm libby, but I guess you already know that." I replied, giggling nervously.

I noticed that a boy with short brown hair and blue eyes who looked about my age was walking towards me. He too was also smiling. "I'm Johnny" He announced, holding his hand out for me to shake. I gave him a small smile and hesitantly shook his hand. He gave me a weird look for acting so nervous all of a sudden, but at least I didn't almost crash into a filing cabinet this time. "This is my sister Tee." He explained as a young girl dressed all in blue with her blonde hair in a pony tail approached us. She looked around 12.

Tee gave me a big smile which I returned. "I love your hair!" She exclaimed. "Is it natural?"

"Thanks! And yeah, it is"

Tee smiled at me again before a boy with black curly hair and notepad in his hand who looked about 13 came marching over. "My name's Gus Carmichael. What's your name?"

"Liberty Mae Cooper, but just call me Libby." I replied to him. I noticed him scribbling things down in his book, then he looked back up at me. "I need to take you on my tour of Elm Tree House."

"I thought I was meant to meet everyone?" I said, though it came out as more of a question.

"You can meet them all on my tour. The time is almost exactly half past 2. You need to start my tour now, if you don't then my entire schedule won't work for today." I agreed to go on the tour with him, not wanting to upset any of the children on my first day as I was trying to make a good impression. Everyone seemed to know what was going on as when Gus told them all that it was time for me to have my tour, they all stopped what they were doing and began to walk out the room.

"We all have to be in our rooms for one of Gus' tours." Tee said quietly to me as she passed me. "He likes to be able to introduce us all properly."

I nodded at Tee to show my understanding and turned back to face Gus as the last of the children were walking out. Johnny walked past me and gave me a big grin when he was leaving, to which I responded by giving him a polite smile. A tall, cute boy who looked about my age with brown hair and brown eyes and dressed in jeans and a purple hoodie winked at me on his way out. I gave a little giggle and smiled at him.

'_Get a hold of yourself Libby.' _I whispered in my head. '_You've only been here for a couple of hours and already you're letting your guard down.'_

"Now then," Gus began, making me turn my attention back to him. "Your tour of Elm Tree House is about to begin. You are not allowed to talk during my tour. I will ask you if you have any questions at the end."

Gus showed me the whole of the downstairs and gave me a quick tour of the garden. There was a story to go with every single room in the house, like the time Tee got stuck in the tree, or when Toby with the help of Tracy accidentally locked his new social worker in the shed outside thinking he was a gang member. It seemed like everyone here got on really well, just like they were one big happy family. I just had no idea how I was going to fit into all this.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Gus announced that we were going to go upstairs to meet all the children properly. What would they think of me? They seemed nice enough when I spoke to them earlier.

We reached the top of the stairs and Gus walked into the first door we came to. I followed him in and almost had to shield my eyes because the room was so bright. Everything in the room was bright pink or fluffy. I could see myself trying to avoid coming in here as much as possible already. "This is Carmen's room, and this is Carmen Howle and Lily Kettle" Gus told me, pointing to the girls as he said their names. Carmen was tanned and had dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. Lily however was very pale and had light brown hair and blue eyes.

"Hi guys!" I said, smiling at them to show them that I'm genuinely friendly and it wasn't just an act that I put on earlier in the front room. Carmen beamed back at me whilst Lily barely even looked at me and just turned back to Carmen. I wonder what I've done to upset her? It's only my first day and I've already annoyed at least one of the other kids.

Carmen had just opened her mouth to reply, when Gus cut across her. "No talking!" He shouted at me and quickly scribbled something down in his notebook again. I was a bit taken aback by this outburst and took a step back from Gus as shouting still frightens me. It makes me think of things that I don't want to think about. "You can speak to everyone later."

I nodded to show my understanding and he continued talking. "Carmen loves everything pink and Lily likes the colour purple. They are both 13 and they are best friends. Lily doesn't live here anymore. She lives with her dad, but she comes back here for respite care when her dad needs a break. Lily has two younger sisters but they have been fostered."

I turned and smiled at both girls, Carmen returned the smile and Lily wouldn't even look at me. I made a mental note to ask someone what her problem was later.

Next Gus took me into Tee's room. It was covered in green and red stripes and I have to admit, it did look pretty cool to sleep in there. Tee looked up from her sewing and gave us her best smile, which I gladly returned.

"This is Tee Taylor. She is Johnny Taylor's little sister. Tee is 12 years old and is very creative." Gus told me. I remembered Gus' rule from earlier about not talking on his tour, so I just smiled and gave her a little wave as I followed Gus out her room, closing the door behind me.

"This room belongs to me." Gus said, indicating the closed door we were standing in front of.

"Aren't we going to go in?" I asked him.

"No. Nobody is allowed in my room unless they need to talk to me and because I'm not in my room, you don't need to go inside to talk to me."

I gave him a weird look, not quite understanding what he just said but I smiled anyway and continued following him, not wanting him to have to explain it all over again.

I turned and saw that Gus was already opening one of the doors and walking inside. I quickly rushed to him and stood in the door way to wait for him to introduce the next person to me. "This is Frank Matthews." Gus began to explain. "He has cerebral palsy. Frank used to live with his grandad before he became too old to care for him so now he lives here. Frank supports Manchester United football team."

Frank looked about my age with short brown hair. He was sitting by his bed playing catch against the wall. He paused when Gus began speaking and smiled warmly at me which I gladly returned. But before I knew what was happening, I was being ushered out the door by Gus again and was moving onto the next room.

We walked into a dark blue room covered with wall stickers of stars and planets. There was a boy around 14 with ginger hair and brown eyes sitting at a desk with a pen in his mouth and a thoughtful expression on his face.

"This is Toby Coleman." Gus began. This caused Toby to jump and look up at us. He slowly made his way over to us and surprisingly, I didn't freak out. I guess it's because he seemed nervous so it made me feel more relaxed. "Toby is 14 years old and likes to read comics and watch Doctor Who." Toby gave me a small smile and I returned it, which made him break out into an even bigger smile. I guess he was just nervous to see what I was like, I mean the other kids must be just as unsettled as I am seeing as I'm older than most of them and they have no idea what I'm like. But at least they're all trying to make an effort to make me feel more welcome here, well except for Lily but she might just be wary of me, being new and everything.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts and saw that Gus had gone again. I gave Toby a small wave and hurried out his room to find Gus standing outside another door, looking hesitant. "This room belongs to Sapphire Fox." Gus told me. "If you enter her room without knocking, she throws something at you." Gus then demonstrated by opening the door and closing it quickly, just as something hard hit the door with a 'thud' and fell to the floor. "If you knock on the door, she tells you to go away." He then knocked on the door, as if he was proving a point to me and we distinctly heard her voice shouting 'go away!' Gus gave me an 'I told you so' look and walked off again.

I was beginning to get tired of this tour. I had barely spoken for a whole hour and following Gus everywhere was starting to get boring.

The door of the next room was wide open so we both just walked in. The room was covered in giraffe printed wallpaper. I could tell instantly that is belonged to one of the younger children. I looked around the room and spotted a young boy, no more than 7 with light blonde hair and blue eyes, sitting cross legged on his bed staring at us with a stuffed giraffe clutched in his hand.

"This is Harry Jones." Gus told me. I smiled warmly at the young boy and crouched down to his level so I wasn't so intimidating whilst Gus continued talking. "Harry has a stuffed giraffe called Jeff. He thinks it can talk but it can't."

"Well maybe he can talk and you've just never heard him." I argued to Gus, trying to defend Harry.

"No talking!" Gus shouted at me and stormed out the room.

I smiled again at Harry and muttered a 'bye' before rushing to follow Gus because I knew I had to make it up to him by continuing on his tour and not talking otherwise he'd get upset.

I caught up with him just as he was entering a pale red room. "This is Jody Jackson. She was the newest person at Elm Tree until you joined." I smiled at Jody and she returned it with a big grin. She looked to be around 9 or 10 even though she was about the same height as a 7 year old.

"Hi Libby!" Jody practically shouted at me. I grinned back at her a giggled but I quickly shut up after the glare I got from Gus. Jody seemed to notice what she'd done as well and had to muffle her laughter in her duvet.

"It's time to continue with the tour now." Gus announced whilst Jody gave me an apologetic look. I smiled at her to show I wasn't mad at her and trailed behind Gus again.

I was led into a light blue room which was covered in dirty clothes all over the floor. I mentally cringed at the sight. "This is Johnny Taylor. He is Tee Taylor's older brother." Gus began to explain whilst Johnny got up off his bed and walked towards us, smiling.

I gave him a nervous smile, feeling slightly scared of being approached by him as I'd only met him once. He stopped in front of me and gave me a huge grin, staring into my eyes. I must admit, I was pretty creeped out by this boy.

"Johnny is 14 years old and likes to play pool with Frank and Liam although they always beat him." Johnny scowled at this comment from Gus and glared at him. We all just stood there in silence for a few seconds, me looking around Johnny's room, Johnny glaring at Gus and Gus scribbling away in his notepad again. Why does he even write in there anyway? Things were starting to get pretty awkward between us all as we were in complete silence. I cleared my throat which caused both Gus and Johnny to look at me.

"Shouldn't we umm... continue with the tour?" I asked Gus in the hope of diffusing the tension. Gus nodded, stopped writing in his notepad and walked out the room. I smiled to Johnny, said goodbye and walked out.

Gus was approaching another door when I closed Johnny's door behind me. '_How many children live in this place?' _I mentally asked myself.

"There is one more room after this one and then your tour will be over." Gus said, not even looking at me. Did I say that out loud?

Gus pushed open a door into an electric blue room. There was the girl that was looking me up and down earlier laying on her bed and still reading the same magazine. She didn't even bother looking up when we walked in, clearly not interested. "This is Elektra." Gus began to explain. "She doesn't really get on with any of the other children here." She slammed her magazine on her bedside table, making me jump, and glared up at us. Even Gus seemed to get the hint that she was getting annoyed with us being in her room and slowly walked out, making sure to close the door behind him.

"This is the last room." I heard Gus' voice say from further down the hallway. I really need to start paying attention to where he's going more. He pushed open the door into a pale blue room, and I saw the boy who winked at me laying down on his bed with headphones in. He took them out when he saw us walk in and stood up. "This is Liam O'donovan." Gus started saying. Liam stood in front of us, looking at me and I was looking at the floor, blushing under his gaze. He smirked at me and held out his hand for me to shake, which I did. "Liam is 15 and is always getting in trouble with the police." I raised one eyebrow at him.

"Hey! They always nick me just for having a laugh. It's not my fault" he protested. I just giggled at him whilst Gus wrote something down in his notepad again.

"That is the end of your tour. Goodbye." Gus declared and walked out the room.

I leant on the wall and gave Liam an amused smile. "Don't mind Gus, he's a bit strange." Liam said, smiling at me.

"You think?"

"You'll get used to him, eventually."

I laughed lightly and had just opened my mouth to ask him what time meals were, when I heard a voice yell "DINNER!" I jumped suddenly, not liking the shouting. "You alright?" Liam asked, looking genuinely concerned.

I gave him a small smile. "Yeah, I just don't like shouting that much."

He gave me a comforting smile, "That was just Gina calling us for dinner. You'll get used to her soon."

"Hopefully, there's just a lot of new things to get used to in this place."

"Is this your first time in a kids home?"

"Yeah"

"Well you'll be fine here we're all like one big family, well except for Elektra and she doesn't really get on with anyone. Come on then!" He said, getting up from where he was leaning on the wall. "I'll take you down to dinner."

I smiled my thanks and followed him out his room and down the stairs. I smiled to myself. I'd only been here a few hours, but I could already tell that I was going to enjoy my time at Elm Tree House.


End file.
